Guns & Booze: A highly scientific study
by westwood
I ask a lot of questions. Questions like, “How does drinking alcohol effect the accuracy of one’s aim with a pellet rifle?”
Important questions, as you can see. And I realized that with a bit of effort and a few brews, the hypothesis could be tested. Please join me for a scientific exercise.
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT EVER, EVER, EVER CONDONE DRINKING AND USING FIREARMS. This study was done in a highly controlled scientific environment and should not be replicated by you. Not ever. Don’t do it. Okay? Okay.
…now we’re through with that.
Step 1: Test Subjects
At the Canadian backwoods location in which I was residing for the duration of the study, there were only four available test subjects. However, one was disinterested in participating (tasty dinner needed making) and the other one needed a significant alcohol handicap based on low body weight.
Also, his aim is terrible.
This left us with two test subjects. We wont mention names or difference in age, but one is 34 kg (70 pounds) heavier than the other, but an alcohol handicap was not implemented because the Little Subject intended to, “Kick his ass drunk or sober.”
Step 2: The Rules
Step 3: The Competition
Little Subject starts us off.
The formal game ended at this point, with the Little Subject dearly wishing she’d taken an alcohol handicap, because she is a very sore loser. Two additional tests ensued, however:
1. Walk A Straight Line Test:
little subject – fail
big subject - pass
2. Bonus Can Round
little subject = 3/3
big subject = 0/3
Step 4: Statistical Analysis
We as study authors opened a bottle of wine and ran a General Linear Model (GLM) using SPSS. The results were as such:
What does this mean?
It means that the test subjects did not shoot more accurately during any particular round. Average distance from the target did not significantly decrease or increase as the round number (ie: inebriation increased).
If you actually think these results are meaningful, or use them as an excuse to do stupid things, I will personally hunt you down, tie you a tree, and lecture you on the proper interpretations and applications of the scientific method.
On another note, gapingwhole readers, would you like to see Highly Scientific Studies such as this one become a regular feature?
Like this:
Filed under: highly scientific studies | 18 Comments
Tags: accuracy, air rifle, alcohol, bad ideas, beer, booze, Canada, drunk, general linear model, GLM, gun, guns, inebriation, rifle, science, scientific method, shooting, statistics, stats, target shooting, test subject
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Recent Comments
First of all I think the disclaimer should read: No animal were hurt in the making of this blog…
Secondly HAHA this is hilarious! (:
I have never shot a gun intoxicated and it really never did seem like a good idea.
Yeah, well, yours was a machine gun or semiautomatic or something similarly terrifying, no?
Therefore, I am very, very, very glad you haven’t…
After your study I have decided that I will always be scared to go anywhere near wooded areas with guns and drunk people
Very clever analysis though.
I glad you used a variety pack of beer instead of shots of Jamison.
Hahaha that was awesome!! Your my hero.
YES MORE HIGHLY SCIENTIFIC STUDIES PLEASE.
And a guest post. A guest post of a Highly Scientific Study on Living Healthy. Pretty please.
This is awesome.
A request from someone as awesome as you means that it will probably be granted.
hahhaahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Speaking of grammar…*I am. Jesus, I sound like a Craigslist perpetrator.
A scientific education is a beautiful thing, and as you proved, useful in real life situations!
I noticed that until that last gulp, the little subject was well ahead in downing the brew, although I was a little disappointed that she did not crawl to the target as any self respecting Southerner would have done!
Oh thank yew. Too funny. I did notice that your alcohol intake outpaced big’s alcohol intake until last round.
I think you should submit to some scientific journal under the guise of geo-socio factors impinging upon metallurgical stress fractions . . . or some such thing.
This is awesome and highly scientific studies such as this should DEFINITELY become a regular feature.
and now if you don’t mind, I will be drinking and shooting in the backwoods of San Francisco.
SCIENCE!
He hee…this should definitely be a regular feature. The fact that the little subject did so well without a handicap – requires further study.
Haha this post is hilarious! Love it! I recently visited a gun range myself and I went it not thinking I’d like it (forced to go by my husband), but as it turns out, I love it!
Heee heeee heeee!!! This post is really hilarious!!!!Loved it!!!!
Kisses and hugs
Miss Margaret Cruzemark
http://margaretcruzemark.blogspot.com/
Now that is my kinda of study, although there were too many big words —but the spelling was impeccable.
I definitely feel such undertakings deserve nothing less than the full treatment of a Highly Scientific Study to accompany them. These results are interesting on their own merit but made more so by the metrics accompanying them. It was almost as if I was there…except for the possible hangover headache…well done!
Thanks
There will be another coming soon!